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Vin Diesel couldn't be sexier than me.
If you read this, Vin, you know I am kidding! <_<
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Finding myself.
Glad I've got my life back.

Hello, 4 years ago. I'd have missed you if I remembered to, but hell it's like reading a book about somebody else's life. What was I thinking?

Anyway, I guess I wanted to let you know that I'm happy now. I've been through a lot since high school; essentially, college has been my way of finding myself...again, if you could childhood and puberty. It's all technical. I'm going to graduate with a degree in elementary education in...wait, I have to count. Seven. Seven months, and I'll have a degree, and hopefully a life (aka job). Shit's never looked so promising, let me tell you. This page needs more positivity.

I'm seeing Larry Lepley. We've been real buds ever since the end of freshman year of college, I want to say. It's fuzzy to me, though; probably because of the pot. He's been patient this whole time with me, has never done me wrong, and remained an open-minded, real person who understands what it means to be compassionate and considerate. I couldn't have asked for a better person to fall in love with; a better man. And I'm not talking about high school love, I'm talking about that feeling you get when you feel safe, when you feel like you truly have somebody who's always going to be there for you and love you with all their hearts. It's when you trust them enough to love them just the same, to wonder what they're thinking when you're holding each other in silence. To want to make yourself better because you know that you two can make a great life with each other. That's what love is, and it ain't so plain and simple.


I don't regret any of the experiences I had in the past. It's what shapes a personality, an intelligent life, and morals. Boy, have I learned a few things about morals these past few years, especially towards myself. The only thing that matters to me right now is my future. I can see it happening before my eyes, like a strange feeling of deja-vu that makes you feel good inside. I'm going to finish college with a degree; I'm going to hunt for a job like a lioness on the prowl (for lack of a better analogy); and I'm going to find myself a place to start experiencing (which in my head is the same as studying and learning) how to be a teacher. It's my profession, and soon to be my passion once I've mastered the art. Which is another goal: I want a master's degree in a variety of education that will let me move up on the occupational food chain. I don't want to say it's about the money, but it definitely is. All of that fancy-shmancy "brain development" that colleges put you through is for the money. A real teacher only becomes one once they've held a job for 3+ years.

I lost my train of thought there. By "place" I mean place to live. It will be impossible for me to become an adult living at my parents' house in the small, dark room in the center of our rancher-style home. Not only is my closet too small, but my furniture is too old and cramped. Perhaps my grandmother will let me stay in her extra bedroom, granted it is jam-packed with her crap. I don't want to be rude.

Here's a thought: Larry and I living together. Call me crazy, but our "partnership", so to speak, is stronger and potentially accomplished than I ever thought it could be. Would I be jumping the shark if I were to want to live with him? Would that be weird? I'm trying my hardest not to mess this up. The way he treats me is too good to be true sometimes. It's sort of sick, but in a good way, because the things I do and say to him...euugh. Good euugh.

One step at a time; that's my motto. You can't set plans like this in stone until it's in your face. Having a good idea of what you want doesn't hurt, though. Damn, do I plan on getting what I want.

So here's to feeling better, to growing up, and to finally finding your place in this mixed up ball of dirt. I've got places to see, people to love, and parties to experience. Never stop growing up, if you try too hard you might lose sight of what's really important around you.
So I just put up 3 new icons. Thanks, LJ! Yeah, I know that feature has been available for like a week now but hey. I'm just getting around to it. <_<

Anyway, Christmas is in 5 days. :O I am excited. I can't wait to see what I'm getting!! Ahh I have a feeling it will be good stuff, because I actually got around to giving my mom a list of stuff that I actually wanted, so hopefully I get what I want. I have a knack for doing that. So woopee!

Gotta make candy bags for everybody. I think of it as a way of making everybody happy; at least you got something rather than me just selecting people to get presents for and making those people who I didn't shop for feel like crap, y'know? Don't complain to me if you don't feel special, because I am being a generous person and including everybody; at least I am giving you SOMETHING, for Christ's sake.

Other than Christmas stuff, life is getting better than it had been. Jason and I are happy campers again (for those of you who don't know, we had a nasty fight that I really do not want to talk about) and everything in the world seems right. I wonder how long it will last...

Lunchable time. Latur.

Mood : good good
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